6-6-2010: The Women In My Life; Part 6

[I am back working through my pretrial detention journal. It is out of order… Well, the order is as I have opened boxes. The date in the title is the date it was written. I hope this is not confusing. Consider this post as more of an aborted memoir. What you are reading is what you get for your tax dollars. Continued from 6-6-2010: The Women In My Life; Part 5 sch 8/15/2026]  

 The first woman I lived with was T2. We spent a year living together during which time the relationship became an engagement, soured, and came to an end. I went into a partnership of which she disapproved (and her disapproval was proven by 1997), and which became a major burden on us. I worked way too many hours computerizing the practice. Then she had the miscarriage.

 We had announced our engagement and her pregnancy to my family at Thanksgiving. The miscarriage happened on Christmas Eve, My reaction rankled her. I thought it was a repeat of TJ's last miscarriage, that T2 did not come close to death I found a relief. She mourned the loss of the child. I thought it was another pain for me to endure. That I preferred her to the child was never well communicated by me.

As I wrote, the situation soured. We had a house we rented. We had a rather nasty fight one day. I moved upstairs as I did not trust her to pay the remainder of the lease. My paranoia reinforced my emotional barricades. We left the house on good terms, but not nearly as good as when we entered. 

We would date for the remainder of her stay in Anderson. We did try for another pregnancy, but sex under pressure never promoted a good performance out of me. It was too much of what sex should never be - work. I dated Judy M for the first time during this period and the Rose of Spiceland, and I saw a bit of JH. She almost got a second marriage proposal from me during one night in Indianapolis. When she announced her leaving Anderson first, I kept my mouth shut.

I asked T2 for some help after my incarceration. She agreed and then stopped answering my calls. Here is one friend my legal troubles cost me.

I must mention Judy M. If for no other reason than a public apology. She has been in and out of my life since 1996. She was the other woman who proposed I marry her. She would get annoyed with me, then she would call me. I liked her company, but ti was another case where there was no approval of me by her children. Those two I never met until after I got married. I came close to calling her in 2009, I did not because I would have to admit my marriage was at an end. She sought happiness so desperately, sometimes inappropriately, that we did fit well together. I trusted her as much as I did JH. I hope she takes care of herself.

Did I mention the return of LAH? She haunted the fringes now. Sporadically a friend, but no longer a romantic interest.

 Linda lasted the summer of 1995, but she cut deeply. Who would think such a short time would have such an impact? Older than I was, and with a broad, warm smile. I lost myself in that smile. How e met was unorthodox even by my standards.

I was working on Sunday evening at the office. Without any expectations of seeing another human being, I wore an old T-shirt and ratty jeans. I was in a foul mood when a friend called me. He was a bouncer at Elliott's (a nightclub/restaurant once located at the southwest corner of Main and 7th Streets in Anderson) and told me I needed to get down there to meet a woman. A drink sounded good, my curiosity was piqued. My mood did not improve when he introduced me to this short, very drunk brunette, wearing a blue dress. When she spoke she had an alto, not quite as husky as Marlene Dietrich's. She told me about her boyfriend dropping her and moving off to Illinois. She asked me if I liked sex, but using a more direct Anglo-Saxon word. The way she said it was too damn cute. My bad mood ended. I said I did and asked if she wanted to leave. No, she was with her cousin and could not leave. She kept on amusing me. Her question about sex was repeated a few more times. She used my full name, and I never thought Samuel sounded so good. I asked her to take a walk outside to get away from the club's noise. We went down to the Riverwalk, stopping at the pavillion below the jail. We kissed, we petted, and then I gave her a very good tongue lashing. My name came from her through gritted teeth asking me to stop. I did. We giggled a bit, she smoothed down her skirt, and as we walked back to Elliott's I put her blue thong in my pocket. I left her at the club with a kiss and a date for the following night. That began a beautiful summer.

Linda told me she wanted no seriousness. The boyfriend gone to Illinois had been all too serious a breakup. I had no problem with that. She was laughter and comfortablenmess after so much gloom and uncertainty. By the end of summer, I was head over heels with her. The way she called my name was musical and I wanted to keep hearing it. At the end of the summer, Linda told me she was moving to Illinois and marrying the former boyfriend.

Linda stuck me hard. It was a mystery I never solved why she went back to the old boyfriend. My bouncer friend told me it was about submission and cocaine. I had seen no sign of either.

Not since TJ had anyone's leaving left me with such a gaping hole. The Rose of Spiceland and Judy M caught me on the rebound. T1 was still around. More importantly, I had work and the need to make money.

[T1 is still around in a way. I saw her this Spring, not a word from her since then. I tried looking up Judy M when I was released from the halfway house. She had moved around and I have found no trace of her. The bouncer friend I found had died while I was gone, so Linda remains a mystery but her influence has faded to a wispy memory. Her most direct influence was that I no longer had any expectations of marriage, of settling down to a quiet normal life. That woman could be a hobby but that work was my real life. sch 8/15/2026.]