Freestyle 3-12- 2013 (Part 4)

[I am back working through my prison journal. It is out of order… Well, the order is as I have opened boxes. The date in the title is the date it was written. I hope this is not confusing. What you are reading is what you get for your tax dollars. Continued from Freestyle 3-12- 2013 (Part 3). sch 8/16/2025] 

I do write for myself. I cannot recall ever writing for myself before. I have spent too much time and energy trying to make others happy. I never succeeded. Perhaps making others happy is more a by-product than a direct product of our lives. I know too well how to drive people away, infuriating them to leave me alone. I was also absolutely clueless about how insecure I left those needing security. The best example of that left me to go to Florida, the next best went to New Albany and St. Louis; I wonder where Dawn got herself off to. I suspect I will surprise them - or would, if they read these words - about what I am now willing to write about. I share their surprise, a little. I know how little remains of me after my arrest. I had thought to create a situation so embarrassing I could not survive. In one unintended sense, I did not survive; while in another, also unintended, I did survive. I feel I am exploring an undiscovered country. I want scrupulosity in what I write. Which may explain why I am liking what I am writing nowadays. I never liked my writing much before now.

sch

[8/16/2025: Continued in Freestyle 3-12-2013 (Part 4). sch]