Death and Repentance 3/18/2015

 [ I am back working through my prison journal. It is out of order… Well, the order is as I have opened boxes. The date in the title is the date it was written. I hope this is not confusing. What you are reading is what you get for your tax dollars. sch 10/13/2025] 

I always had a fixation on death. I thought of death as the great escape. As miserable as I thought life, I thought there would be peace in the grave. I was trying to come out of this thinking before I got arrested. The Canadian women's curling team almost gave me a glimpse of a practical purpose to my life. I screwed up that chance, of course.

Odd thing now, I find death more troublesome, less peaceful, than I once did. I put this down to my readings in Orthodox Christianity. The Orthodox make something positive out of life, everyone's life. I do not worry so much about these writings - that is for the moment. (Besides, says the cynical voice in my head, I may be a writer more interesting dead than alive.) No, I worry mostly about changing my ways, of repentance, of atonement - and having the time to do so. Then, yes, there exists a worrisome question of faith about resurrection. I hope for the resurrection - meanwhile I need to do as much as lies within my abilities.

sch