Freestyle 3-12- 2013 (Part 6)

[I am back working through my prison journal. It is out of order… Well, the order is as I have opened boxes. The date in the title is the date it was written. I hope this is not confusing. What you are reading is what you get for your tax dollars. Continued from Freestyle 3-12- 2013 (Part 5) . sch 8/16/2025] 

Depression disorders one's thinking into a narrower focus of darkness, despair, and disgust into a worldview created upon faulty premises, which convinces one of not only being valid but superior to what are truly healthy worldviews. I say breaking depression's hold is harder than breaking any other addiction. I swear the machinery of my mind got smashed in 2010. As I begin to see just how wrong I was about myself and my world. Yet, I think my thinking of myself as a clueless lout is mostly accurate.

I suggest you have a friend who can tell you that you are screwing up, and one you can talk freely to. I had two, but then I lost faith in our friendship. When you get in such a situation, understand you need professional help. You are then in serious trouble. I did not see any of this then; do you see what happened to me?

 Reading Kurt Vonnegut Jr's A Man Without A Country reminded me that we can make do with less. Does having a Mercedes make you a better man than one driving a Ford? I spent immense amounts of time working so I could have money. I never took but five vacations in the 22 years and 4 months I practiced law. Instead of a family vacation in 2009, I blew money on crack cocaine. All that work, all that ambition, curdled into a desire for self-destruction. Put down this advice as coming from a failure at your own peril. Life is short; death is long. Consider your effect on other people.

sch