Second Trip to the Shrink 9-17-10

 I saw the forensic psychologist yesterday. He wanted more details, asked me more about my post-imprisonment plans, and gave a provisional opinion

If you have read any of my other pre-trial detention pieces, you will know I have not real plans of surviving prison. I am curious about his interest.

I did tell him I thought about farming. I may have left him with a wrong impression of its likelihood, but not the essential point: I have no plans to recreate my old life. My old life is dead.

Maybe he thought I did not know I shall need to expect trouble finding a job. I did not mention to him my conception of myself as a moral leper. My ambitions brought me nothing, and I did them in. I can only expect dead-end jobs because I have left myself nowhere else to go. 

What was the provisional diagnosis? (Paraphrasing, not quoting)

1. I rationalize quite well.
2. No bipolar disorder.
3. Probably chronic depression.
4. I do not fit a pathological profile.

The former wife agrees with the first - and so do I. It is why I work very hard in my writing here for accuracy. I want to get past the rationalizations.

No one is surprised by the depression diagnosis. I have learned just how depressed I was, and I hope you will have learned from my example.

That I do not fit into a pathological profile comforted me and family and friends. My comfort came from having what I know confirmed by another. It also comforted me knowing my father can know he had an idiot, not a monster.

Otherwise, I still see 151 months in prison. The government cannot admit anyone without a pathological psychological condition would be doing what I did. The judge will do as the prosecution wants done. The taxpayers get stuck with the bill. If anyone thinks I overstate what will happen, I say let us see what happens on October 29, 2010 at 10:00 AM.

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