Monday Kind of Sucks

 Another night of bad sleep, gloomy and chilly weather, a nap that left me feeling worse than when I came in have left me feeling at 6:21 pm that today sucked.

I made it to the Sheriff's this morning, updated them on the job. Then I had to filling the nearly ninety minute wait for the bus. I read two of Torgny Lindgren's stories from Merab's Beauty and Other Stories. Joel C sent this to me, and he was right about my liking them. This is from "The Weight-Lifter":

One day in May at Ahlen's in Klaraberg Street the Spirit came upon Anette Svenson.

Now that is a clean opening which should make one curious enough to keep reading on how the Spirit moves Anette, and how it all relates to the title. Interspersed with Anette's story is a dialog between author and text. A very interesting story in its technique and amusing in its telling. There is some sort of play between the style and the content that leaves many of his stories feeling like very strange parables, the simplicity of prose and characters sneaks in a complex humanity.

Thing was, I read these in the hallway of the courthouse, and they were not enough to keep me from getting drowsy. The place was a bit warm. I decided to see what was going on in any of the courtrooms.

Only one had a hearing. I snuck in. It was a visitation matter. The male had an attorney. The mother did not. I expected the worst. Civilians do not know how hard it is to ask question rather than argue. There is the bitchiness, the vindictiveness, factor in family law cases, too. Old resentments rise up. The causes for the breach are not healed in courtrooms. Still, I parked myself in the back row of seats. Dad wanted Mom's visitation with the child restricted because she had been doing drugs during one of the child's visits. This I had to figure out - not that Hercule Poirot was needed to figure that out - since I was late. Seems like this was a long-standing problem, she had drug screens in hand for the court. My interest picked up when I heard the words fentanyl and benzos, not so interested in the pot results. I think I was seeing one of the by-blows of the opioid crisis. Father was sensible, wanted her to have every weekend for four hours a day, and he gave no indication of being a jerk using his power to beat down the woman. That is how I would have him play it, but then I never represented a father intent on punishing his ex. She cried a little, but she kept herself under control. When she did get her chance to speak, she did figure out how to ask one question. That went to the point. I give her kudos - even though later I saw her sitting in an office off the main hallway wiping her eyes. Judge Dowling did a superb job handling the case, handling the woman - she explained she had learned that for the addict losing their child was not hitting bottom, the bottom was still further down; she named rehab places (like six in Muncie! I was surprised by the number - I did not recall so many 14 years ago.); she set up a review whenever the woman filed a letter (yes, letter, no requiring a proper pleading; the only legality being a copy needed to be sent to the father's attorney). The mother left after saying she would what needed to be done. Oh, she admitted to using pot around Thanksgiving. I thought her a very honest woman, and the judge appeared to do so, too. The kind of honesty bred by intelligence. Yet, the fentanyl shocked me - what if she had been using that while the child was there, and she had died?

One thing about dropping into the Delaware County courts, there seems to be someone from the staff coming up and asking what you are doing there. This time the court reporter did by asking if I was just observing. I said I was. No way, I want to go back to being responsible for people like them. No longer do I want to have people crying over their self-inflicted wounds having salt poured in them by the courts.

Next was a pretrial conference on a civil case over Zoom. This just amazes me, nothing like this was even being thought of 14 years ago. Yes, the criminal courts did video initial hearings, but that was a closed system between the jail and the courthouse. That was also Madison County, I have no idea what went on in other counties. I thought we were being innovative doing cases over the phone.

Nothing else going on, I went back in the hallway. Time was narrowing for the bus' arrival. I called my sister. She was grumpy, but I got two things from her. The address for the envelope to CC, and an explanation of what was benzos. I had never heard the word until today. So much for my knowledge of drugs.

I caught the bus downtown. I still had not had breakfast. It was going on 10:30 when I got back downtown. I had my counselor's appointment at noon. No restaurants were open downtown until 11. Okay, I walked over to see the attorney handling dad's trust case. I made sure that he had gotten my research, and he could access the material online. Mostly, we chewed the fat until I had to hurry to get the 11:45 bus west. 

The counseling session went well. I babble so much, I feel sorry for the poor fellow. We talked about CC, we talked about how I did not want to repeat the past, he gave me something to think about when he said the past is what we learn from and that lucidity is being able to see clearly. To me, CC seems like a wheel I got off; where escape feels like freedom. What time I have left cannot be wasted.

Directly afterwards, I called Kari, and got no answer and assumed she was working. Then I called KH, we spoke at length last night about the sore. He was a little sore about my butting head over him on corrections to "Best of Intentions" and me trying to contact CC. He worries that I will be back to harming myself. I worried about the document sharing process if we are communicating properly. I told him not to worry about CC, as I had figured out how to deal with her. Today, we talked a bit about the session, about the story, then the bus came, and he got back to work. I had asked him about the choice I needed to make for the rest of the day. He did not have time to give me his opinion.

The choice was to go to the food stamp office or not. I was hungry. The bus goes out there once an hour. I did not want to have my travel time extended by the city buses delivering schoolkids. I chose to call them.

Then I was off to Payless for food. I thought I would get a restaurant meal and then discarded the idea. Shopping took a bit less than 30 minutes, and then I was heading downtown. The Whitely bus was in, I was back in the room around 2:30. I fixed a meal, I looked at the email, I deleted my email, and I called no one. Instead, I took a nap.

Mistake on several fronts. Now I will need to make the calls tomorrow. Also, I felt like last week's garbage when I woke at 5. Needing caffeine and nicotine, I walked down to McClure's and then back here. I deleted more emails, I checked the blog stats, and I started this post. I feel like last week's garbage warmed over, shoulders are grumpy, and there is this sub-headache thing going on from my right eye to the back of my head. I want to wrap this up, shower and watch His Dark Materials. I have a bit I want to change in "Best of Intentions" - there was one particularly contentious sentence, where I might have gotten a bit too cute, and I hit on this change last night and rolled it around today.

Another thing, I did not get stamps. I have a card for CC containing a note apologizing for my bad behavior towards her and thanking her for giving the tips that got me through prison, but also telling her That I was not getting involved with her again. That had been written before I spoke with KH last night.

I did do a little reading this evening, and I will pass along these for your consideration:

Treasury Secretary Yellen predicts major inflation cooldown in 2023. I do not know if DM is back from Hawaii, but he should read this. He has been worrying as he is wont about inflation. That we have lower inflation than many countries has not been much of a relief, nor that it is nothing like 1979 been any comfort. Last night, I watched a bit of a C-SPAN speech by Nick Adams about President Biden being the dangerous president in our history. I am not sure the root of this delusion - is it wishful thinking that Biden is a dementia-ridden front for his wife Jill, or are they completely delusional about the facts. The writer/speaker hammered on inflation, on gas prices, on the Russian invasion of Ukraine as caused by Biden's unfitness, his weakness of mind. He said Biden wanted to remake America into a Western European socialist country. That the fellow wants Trump back without worrying about Trump's attempted coup left me questioning his judgment about dangerousness in the Presidency. What I see Biden doing makes me think he has more backbone than his predecessor, that he is a canny fellow who prefers competence to self-advertisements. If the Republicans continue to tell themselves Biden is a mental case manipulated by others, they will lose and have only the consolation of their conspiracy theories for his loss. I bet when inflation falls, they will not credit him for that!

We’re Going to Die and Make Serious Mistakes’: Colin Farrell and Jamie Lee Curtis Confront Their Acting Legacies and Sobriety - okay, I read this because it had Jamie Lee's name on it, but it was Colin Farrell who hit me upside the head with the following, that so captures a lesson I learned these past 12 years:

Farrell: Well, yours is about the exact same thing: the awareness of the ticking of the clock. And as long as the clock has enough breath to go from 11 to 12, there’s an ability to reverse course.

Curtis: So there’s a redemption. And a reconciliation. And
a healing.

Farrell: It’s so beautiful. Because the only two things I know as certainties are, we’re going to die and we’re going to make serious mistakes. Whether we atone for our mistakes.

Curtis: Did you know that before you got sober?

Farrell: No. I had suspicions, before I got sober, of how painful life could be. But I had no ability to hold that without being self-destructive and without living in it. I don’t live in that now. I feel these things that we’re talking about, at times. And I consider life greatly at times. And other times, I’m as frivolous as I was when I was 6 years old on a good day.

 The Poseidon Adventure at 50: Gene Hackman brings dignity to disaster - because I have never seen but 5, 10 minutes of this movie and I really like Gene Hackman. From The Guardian.

‘We’re really worried’: US supermarket mega-merger raises mass layoff fears - Muncie has the following grocery stores: Payless, Walmart, Meijers, Fresh Thyme, ALDI, and Ruler Foods. Two of those are Kroger stores. Used to be there were Wise and March and Ross grocery stores - all locally owned. Kroger took over two of the Marsh stores. No one has taken over the other stores as grocery. What surprises me is that this has not really been made much of, this concentrating of the food supply into ever bigger companies. I have been having this feeling of all too much homogenity imposed from without, which is I hope not the sign of being a cranky old man but a rational worry over culture and economics. Also from The Guardian.

McCormick hints at run for Indiana governor, while other Democrats still mum - who will have the money to back her, or any other Democrat? Will they actually work at campaigning for the job? Thereby hangs the tale.

Homeland Security Theater - the illiogic of using propaganda to fight propsganda. Public Books.

Public Books' Public Picks 2022 - another list of books I do not have time to read.

I find The Bulkwark to be a sensible conservative site; sensible being rational. The Republican Project to Break Your Email Account and The Rationale Behind South Carolina Becoming the First Dem Primary are good examples of what they are about.

The Marriage of Liberalism and Democracy - too long for a post by itself, and too good not to read. Liberalism, a government protecting individual rights needs democracy. Very well written, would that the Trumpers I know read this. From there I went to -

Kari Lake was unflinchingly loyal to Trump. Then her campaign unraveled. from The Washington Post. She was not for democracy, she was not a liberal, and she lost. Let us hope the Republicans pay no attention to The Post's critique

Interviews, internal documents and voting data point to the reasons behind her defeat: The candidate, so focused on parroting Trump and settling personal scores, failed to execute on a plan to court the independents and centrist Republicans who decide elections in Arizona, once a red state that now gleams purple.

I have been listening to a PBS documentary on Saul Bellow. He is a writer I have trouble with, but I am learning enough from the documentary to modify my views.  Before that Siouxsie and the Banshees were my musical accomanpiment:

It is almost 9. Thanks for spening my evening with me.

sch 9 pm