Thinking, Part Two

No internet for most of the night. I have been reading Lillian Hellman. Seemed to be reading too slowly.

Tired from work.  Tired from being old. 

I will be taking a taxi tomorrow. 

T2 did not call tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

I submitted "Colonel Tom" several more times and got another rejection.

K got me my w-2s. 

I will appeal my SSI denial. T2 pushed me on this. I do mot like thinking I am disabled. The pain in my elbows and hands make feel I am fooling myself.

I cannot escape thinking about my crimes and my sins. My group therapy seems to want a coherent story. I cannot give one. I have been thinking on this for over a decade. The single unifying cause the group seemingly  wants is a psychological condition I do not feel is not me. I am getting the impression the group has not considered themselves the way I have. KH agreed I am more reflective than is usual.

David Hume argued there was no causation per se. There is only what our experience imposes upon actions. I am not what anyone expects.  There is no proof the sun will rise tomorrow but experience says it will. 

Sometimes it takes a bus load of faith:

How I used to feel:

And this got in my head this morning:

Good night. That is all for now.

sch