Do I Need AA?

Saturday brought me another letter from E-. She thought I was angry when I answered her first letter. Which was the very reaction I dreaded most. She thinks I am going to revert to my per-incarceration behavior by returning to Muncie. The previously discussed appellation of manic appears tied to my wanting to out of this halfway house ASAP(AP = 7/3/2021,when I become eligible for home detention.) I appreciate the generic concern about re-offending. What confuses me is why she thinks I specifically will re-offend by living in Muncie and why she thinks I need AA.

Dear Reader, if I am going to re-offend and return to prison then 2021 is far too late for preventive measures. In 2010 I decided suicide set the wrong example for a certain person and I learned how to endure what I meant to be more than sufficient treason for killing myself. Surviving that humiliation surprises me as much as it surprises you. KH and CC put me to writing. I started these notes to set down my story, to make a record, to work my way towards a means of finding a sane, beneficial life. Nor one else put me on that path. No governmental program kept me that path. I think I have been honest in what I have written down - and I have tried to write down what has confronted me in the most directly,the most honest way possible. This has caused some duplication, some overlap, maybe some contradictions, and probably no small amount of tedium as I have returned to some topics from different perspectives and/or a fuller memory, and, often enough, from different provocations. I did not expect, at the start, to ever see Indiana, again. I have never  been sure about publication. But what started as my making a public spectacle of myself was so others might learn form my mistakes. Ever since Kevin Frone (you will hear more about him) prophesied I would not die in prison I have still tried to make these pages as honest as possible. These notes have been my therapist for over 11 years and are the record of how I have tried to learn how to live and the changes needed in my life.

sch

5/31/21