I Visit the Shrink, 7-26-2010

 Getting ready for my sentencing hearing, and so I had an hour and a half with a forensic psychiatrist. The upshot seems to be that I suffered from depression, if I did not underreport my bad behavior. No one seems to share my boredom with my underlying bad behavior.

I raised the question of what I will do when I am released after 151 months. For those just getting to this point in these notes: the federal government does not allow for probation, only prison, and the federal sentencing guidelines give me (a first time offender), a sentence of 151 to 188 months. (Comparing this with Indian, I would be looking at probation and for far less time.)

I have no idea what I would do in 12 years. I will be 62 years old, without a profession or means to support myself. I know my father will be dead by then, as will be several of my friends. My other friends and family are already scattering. I expect my health to decline. In short, I see nothing but desolation. 

I feel no desire for surviving my prison sentence. I do feel a great trepidation that I will not die in prison. In case I do die, I do all this writing – thinking my ideas will help someone in the wider world. At the same time, I recognize my status as felon and moral leper will cause rejection of my ideas because they are from a felon and moral leper.+These thoughts bring me back to the sentence itself: what doe the federal government think can only be achieved by 12 years in prison while Indiana can make do with probation?

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