On Suicide and Memory (Part One) 5/2010

 Wish I could remember what Montaigne ad Bacon wrote on suicide. I cannot trus tmy memory that they did write on the subject.

Thinking this morning about hanging. Pretty sure I cannot find the tools necessary here. More importantly to me is the problem of jerking and twitching as I strangle; this stops me from jumping into the air.

Speaking with the wife last week has me thinking of ending this farce. The government wants to imprison me for a crime, while I think I deserve death for a multitude of sins that far exceed my crimes. Talking with the soon-to-be-ex reminds me of those sins,

[I made my wife cry and cry one just because I was angry and feeling mean. sch 9/23/22.]

For those who might be confused by my using sin, check out Warren Zevon's "The Sin." It's on his live album. Gives you the sense of what's in my head.

[The advantage I have over my earlier self is access to the internet and YouTube. The Sin. sch 9/23/22.]

Couldn't do a wrist slicing a la Seneca, don't have any firearms, and so it comes down to poison. Damn, but I am a picky suicide (jumping is out of the question, as I could never get high enough - phobias are just so unhelpful at times). Probably even then I would have to be seriously effed up to pull it off. Under the original plan, I had a bottle of Irish whiskey for while the garage filled with carbon monoxide. No garage, no car, no damned cat.

sch

[Part Two will appear the day following part one, sch 9/23/22]