Early on Monday Morning Looking Back

 I could not stay awake last night. All I accomplished yesterday was getting my petition done. And maybe getting rid of the pain in my back.

 My sister came down. She brought along the laptop and got what I did on Google Docs onto Microsoft Word. I found out I cannot uninstall Microsoft Edge. I have now found a reason to switch to Linux. She left with the laptop. I told her she would need to make herself available when the PO got around here so he could approve the laptop. She is trying hard to get this job in Wabash. She said she might not be available so is going to call the PO. The petition is almost done. 

I need to reschedule the colonoscopy. I tried and failed Friday. The lady there told me the liquid that would cost me $49 could be gotten locally and put on my insurance. That helps. T2 was right. She has not called me, yet.

The McGalliard CVS is closing. I had my sister stop there so I could pick up my Zoloft. I keep keep taking my anti-depressant. It keeps me on the even keel I need and want nowadays. I like being free from the angry voices in my head hating my existence. I like trying to fight against the nihilism.

Saturday I got groceries after washing dishes. Muncie buses run on Saturday. Then it was back here. I had hopes of going to a Plyspace play but the back hurt too much and I needed to work on my petition. I did that instead. I also started revising the next section of "Death and a Kiss." Too tired to do anything more.

The motel putin a new bed. With my knotted up back I slept badly Friday and Saturday night. Last night was good. My sister found in the stuff she sent down months ago this bag thing that is heated up and put against the back for pain relief. It worked.

Pascha was yesterday. Next year I hope to be in church. I can say this: He has risen, indeed he has risen. I did not properly fast but neither did I invade another country during Lent or bomb churches during Pascha while claiming some sort of call to uphold Orthodox Christianity.

Orthodoxy gave me a way of coping with my despair at being alive. Where all was  ugliness and despair, there is the means of beauty and a worthwhile life.

I have had this thought over the last few days, that my differences with my group counselor is she approaches me as a psychological problem when I see myself as a moral issue. That makes.my actions far worse than she might have them. It is also what motivates me now to speak in terms of morality. Affirming life is the proper moral course. Get with it. 

Song for you today:

Have a good day.