Me at 53 (Part Two): 3/6/2013–3/10/2013.

[ I am back working through my prison journal. It is out of order… Well, the order is as I have opened boxes. The date in the title is the date it was written. I hope this is not confusing. What you are reading is what you get for your tax dollars. Continued from Me at 53 (Part One): 3/6/2013–3/10/2013. sch 7/13/2025] 

I should be depressed that the mail lost 10 pages of my novel. I make $5.25 a month and typewriter cartridges cost $4.00 each. I may never get the thing rewritten! I shrug my shoulders and go on.

My oldest sister wrote me that our father thinks we hate him. I do not. I think I lost my anger about my parents' divorce back in March 1986 when Dad broke down crying at the news of my mother's death. I have a great deal of sympathy for both my father and mother. At 53, I see them having struggled against their lives as best they could. They both had a great deal of pain imposed on them by others and by themselves, and I have no need to increase their pain. Besides, any resentments on my part have been balanced by the embarrassment of my felony conviction.

I seriously screwed up everything. I accomplished everything with my suicide, except my own personal extinction. I have left problems back home and then created more. I solved nothing.

My felony conviction has done two things for me. I have nothing more to run from. The ex-wife complained of my running out whenever there was an emotional crisis. I have nowhere to run and nothing to run away from. I embarrassed myself before the whole world in such a profound manner, I only surprise myself by having withdrawn from the solution of suicide.

sch

[7/13/2025: Continued in Me at 53 (Part Three): 3/6/2013–3/10/2013. sch]