Me at 53 (Part Three): 3/6/2013 - 3/10/2013

 [I am back working through my prison journal. It is out of order… Well, the order is as I have opened boxes. The date in the title is the date it was written. I hope this is not confusing. What you are reading is what you get for your tax dollars.

Continued from Me at 53 (Part Two): 3/6/2013–3/10/2013. sch 7/14/2025] 

The felony conviction also insures my disengagement from the outer world until my dying day. The conviction creates a broader, higher wall than ever I could have constructed on my own. No more foreign entanglements complicating my life. Prison adds to my isolationism. Prior personal entanglements will have faded away or outright died by 2022. I shall go forth from prison into a world I shall not bother and which will not notice me.

I fantasize about the good I could do now that I see the errors of my ways. Prison breeds fantasies. No one cares if I do good; my future consists solely of punishment. I lost my opportunity for doing any good when I violated federal law. I may not do good, but I am kept from doing harm. Hence, I no longer see suicide as a solution.

I almost got in a fight today. A black fellow was trying to cut in line in the dining hall. He barked like a small dog. I realized how we never really grow up. We carry our past with us. We dress differently, we cat out in ways superficially different, but in the end we behave at the bottom as if we were sixth graders. I cannot always see any good purpose for our species.

sch

[7/14/2025: Continued in Me at 53 (Part four): 3/6/2013–3/10/2013. sch]