Maybe I Do Not Understand Modern Men?

 That is how I feel after reading Sophie Kemp's New Tyrannies (LARB).

I understand neither the problem of consent, or the sense of male entitlement, mentioned below.

This is appealing to young men ages 20–29, nearly half of whom voted for Trump, for a variety of reasons. None of those reasons are particularly satisfying to me. One friend I asked said it had something to do with the way talk of consent has been codified into the American education system. This friend, in his mid-thirties, said that when he was in high school, there was still a prevailing sense of ownership among men, that sexism was allowed and encouraged (he also mentioned that during this time he often did things like try to suck himself off while watching Mind of Mencia).

We - the men I knew in my twenties - certainly knew that no meant no.  What is so bloody new about that? If she doesn't want to, keep working and find one that does. I do not know any of my friends who thought they were entitled to have any woman they chose at any time they wanted. When we did find a willing woman, we thought we had gotten lucky. Mostly, because we had, gotten lucky, that is.

All more troubling is this paragraph about women:

And how could that not be seductive, to an extent? To be told what to do. If young men crave hierarchy, it would only be natural that women would too. That all these ideas would circle each other, have the snake eat its tail, let the oil circle the drain. I am seduced by it. There was one time recently when I was wearing a prom dress at a bar and I let a man say something despicable to me and I liked it. Because I am exhausted by a certain kind of politics around consent. So are many other women that I know. It becomes very easy to backslide into this way of thinking, dangerously so.

I was almost 30 when I found some women like being submissive. Oddly, they were also quite assertive about themselves. Play was one thing. Do not mistake play for how they went through their lives, they would eat you alive. One had a sex drive much more like a man's than a submissive girl. I think she later got her handgun permit. I know another had a handgun permit when I met her. That one was a dead shot and would have shot anyone forcing her into anything undesirable.

Decades ago, I thought we were regressing to Victorian morals. Has it happened? Liberation was for nothing? Where is Erica Jong when we need her? Or Xaveria Hollander?

Finally, I cannot agree more with Ms. Kemp's estimation of these "men":

This more than anything feels like the prevailing pathology of men in this cohort. They feel small. They are looking for a way to get their power back. They do not deserve that power, obviously, but they do feel entitled to it. And women, to an extent, are enabling it. They are enabling it in the kind of sex they are having, in asking for things that they shouldn’t ask for....

There is no honor or glory or joy in taking advantage of making others small. Then, too, that is the thing about fascists, they are small and scared people. Equals are better lovers. 

sch 11/17