Marriage (Part 1), 8-27-2010

 Today, I would have been married five years. I made a hash of my marriage long before my arrest.

In my lifetime, I have asked six women to marry me for a total of eight times. I also had two women ask me to marry them.

Of those I asked, three rejected me out of hand. Two decided they loved me but couldn't stand living with me. If my ex-wife had taken her time, she would never have married me. I think everyone but one did better by choosing not to marry me.

[The original here is a mess. I dropped words, I repeated irrelevant words, and that is only for the start. Thing is I am not sure about the number 6. I asked TJ two times, I asked T1 once, I asked T2 once,I asked CC and I asked A. Joni and Judy asked me to marry them; I did not take them seriously. I cannot think of the sixth. My memory is not forthcoming. Sorry. sch 3/14/23.]

I think marriage is a serious thing. Maybe I took it a bit too serious - I lost all sense of humor. If I had more of a balanced view about my shortcomings and obligations, I might have survived my marriage.

I promised myself I would not play any serious what-if games with my life. I see so many places where I made the wrong choice and I think I have noted many of them. My marriage was not so much a mistake, as I performed as a husband.

Anyone marrying a person who is 45 and had never been married must accept a different kind of husband than one whoi is 25 and no experience of marriage. I was too set in my ways. I had trouble coping with people being in my life 24/7. I tried to accommodate her needs. However, I never felt my accomodations were met with accomodations from her.

Therrein, I show what killed all my romantic relationships (if not all my relationships): the lack of communications. My experience taught me that no amount of talk cured a relationship breach. I know I could have been proven wrong, but I never was. You may feel free to call that a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Odd that I have thought the marriage could have been saved. It would have take a lot of work - and maybe even a few emotional arguments. (If she should read this - I will remember us watching curling with a great fondness.) Instead, my plans for self-destruction caught up with me.

Children do help a marriage. One of the women I proposed to was pregnant; she refused me out of hand. Before may 2009, I stayed married because I liked my step-children and not want to disrupt their lives.

I will say that if you are married with children that a babysitter is a grand thing to have. We had one at the start but not at the end. One can love children and still need some time away from them.

sch

[This is another too long burst of writing, so it will be broken down into three posts. See Marriage (Part 2), 8-27-2010. sch 3/14/23.]