I Stopped Reading The Brothers Karamazov & Started Reading the Bible 4/21/2010

 I admit, I gave up halfway through [The Brothers Karamazov's] "The Sensualists." Between the paper back fonts killing my eyes and the overwrought dialog straining my patience, and the Russian names confusing me, the novel beat me. Maybe a different translation and larger print, and I will give it another try. I did get further than I ever did with Crime and Punishment.

The novel did get me re-reading The Bible. I have The Bible given me by my Grandma Downes in 1967 for my baptism. That is the King James Version. Now, can anyone explain why I read the New Testament in the KJV easier than the Old Testament? I managed Genesis and Daniel in the KJV before giving up and using The Catholic Bible/New American Bible for the Old Testament. So far, I have read Tobit, 1 Maccabees, and I am reading Exodus right now. Yes, I know Tobit is something we Protestant are not supposed to rad as we put it down as non-canonical (as are both 1 & 2 Maccabees), but I suggest reading anyway.

As for the New Testament, I realized I never read Peter 1 or 2, the Epistle of St. James, or St. Jude. I read them and then moved onto the Gospels of Mark and Luke. I started John today. Lots of memories brought back of my mother and of better days. A reminder in every one of the Gospels why I am where I am.

No, I do not expect a jailhouse revelation. This is not new, but a return to something very old. I was so angry with the church for church politics that I did not go back after my mother's death. For a long time before my arrest, I was flirting with the Orthodox. I am a bit like my mother in that Catholicism interests me, but I trip over the doctrine of papal infallibility. After my last trip to the lawyer, I stopped in at the Episcopal Church [the one on the Circle in Indianapolis]. I liked the atmosphere. It felt homey. I prayed a short prayer and left.

In the arrogance of my mind, I saw my religious feelings in the face of a crisis as being suspect as indulgent superstition, which would end as the crisis ended. That is wrong. Give the Epistle of St. James and the Gospels a read. If I had any doubts, it was about my own sincerity, and I ought to have admitted it. As has been too true of my life: too little, too late.

Having my Bible in hand and the time for reflection may be why I got to remembering something from my childhood. Baptists (American division) have no catechism. (Catechism remains this mystery to me even with Catholic and Methodists friends, and Lutheran relatives.) We have our church covenant. And we don't have infant baptism because we believe you need to be old enough to know what you are doing. That there is a rational basis for your faith is how I used to think of it. I used to say that if Nietzsche had been a Baptist, then faith would not have posed such a great problem for old Fred. I ought to have realized that, given thought and consideration to the problems facing me, that church might offer a solution. Even if I did not return to the American Baptists.

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