Why I Do This

Much of what follows was an answer to a friend of mine. There may be some repetition with early posts; certainly  I repeat what I have written in my journal. Please bear with me. I think there is a suspicion in official circles (i.e. my probation officer) that I am up to something nefarious with all this writing I did. If so, then this the public record that will prove me a liar.

I write out of a need for therapy and to pay back those who believe writing is what I should have been doing for decades and in response to those who think my writing is a good, constructive act.

If one person reading these posts decides to write even though they do not have an MFA or are out of the mainstream, then I have done a good thing. Because that is not what I did 40 years ago. I ran away, I lacked the faith others had in my talents, even though I did love to write.  I could easily quit again. Okay, maybe not easily but I could quit. 

But I let people down when I stopped writing, as well as letting myself down. I have chosen to stop being self-destructive, to live. I do not want to go back to the life I was living in 2009 - 10. Or even the life I had 20 or 30 years ago.  I did destroy that life, that version of me. I went back to the road not taken. I am what I have not been for decades: having a purpose, a goal. That includes not letting down the people who kept their faith in me. It also means no longer trashing whatever talent I do possess.

Then, too, there are the people I have chosen to write about. Thanks to CC (one of the debts I owe her) and Joel, I have a subject to write about - my stretch of Indiana. If I do not keep going on, then their stories will not get told. I have been convinced they need to be told. So quitting on them proves I remain a coward.

From there comes these purposes:

• If I can keep my friends writing until they are published, that would be great.
• If one person gets treatment for their depression, then I have also done something good. Keep an eye on my posts under the Depression label.
• If I can show people they need to change their criminal ways, then I have done something good.
• If I can show people the utter inhumanity of prison, then that is also a good thing.

No word from the PO this week. So no approval of my new laptop. That keeps me from digitizing my 11 years of manuscripts. All my writing had been this blog on my phone. Not easy, not fun. This also keeps me from doing my taxes and my petition to modify and to work on my dad's estate.

 I am trying to be very scrupulous in complying withe my supervised release order. I do not comply I do not get my writing in digital form. This keeps me from communicating with those felonious friends of mine trying to turn their lives around by doing something constructive by writing. Therefore, one purpose is already frustrated.

Those reading this blog and offended by me, I ask you read the posts under the Public Service Message label. There were more in my original notes but they pretty much echo the first post published here. Send it around the Web. Maybe we will perform the deterrence assumed by my judge at my sentencing.

Those who will keep reading, I thank you. It is my intention to keep publishing my daily updates under the label Supervised Release. I have with this post published 840 posts. To see all I am publishing follow this link.

Today was like my other days: I woke; ate breakfast; taxi took me to job; I worked; I took bus to Payless; I took buses back to my room; I ate dinner; I spoke with my mental health counselor; I called Texas Roadhouse about the information requested by FSSA; I spoke with K and to TJ; I showered and got perked up; I read Celine and listened to music; I started this post; my sister texted me; and I finished this post. Such is the life of this villain.

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