Early Sunday 12/12

 Kentucky reels from a terrible tornado.

Power out in Indianapolis.

Down the street Friday night's/Saturday morning's winds knocked down the only house decorated for Christmas.

I have been up since 7 am. Taking the bus to work yesterday afternoon and a taxi at midnight left me feeling pretty much human. I go in at 11 (which means leaving around an hour from now). I expect to be a wreck by Tuesday night- I will be running dishes by myself. 

I am listening to last Thursday's Greaser's Lunchbox while I write this up.

I got mail from Social Security this past Friday. I got half out yesterday. Thing is it was sent in November and had a deadline back in November. I saw the mail when I went to pay this week's rent. Management was calling when I got mail, but I think there is a new crew running things. I will need to keep an eye on this.

One thing I have not mentioned but has been on my mind. I saw CC on the early morning bus last month. I did not think it was her. I assumed she was dead. There was only a passing resemblance. Since I was of two minds - curiosity and shock - I spoke to her. The voice belonged to CC. That was all. The eyes were dull, uncomprehending, and had nothing in common with the CC I known for 14 years before prison. She frightened me by not recognizing, by maybe not even recognizing her own name. First thought was drugs but I had seen her high too many times. Crack cocaine did no dull her like this. She had always been vivacious - like the rest of the women I associated with - and there was no life in this person, only continued breathing. Even stranger, she did not ask for a handout. E worried over me returning to Muncie, that I might fall back in with the crackheads. For many reasons I thought this beyond possible. Seeing CC has scared me too much to go back down the path of self-destruction. I have a debt owed CC I cannot see how it can now be paid. I wonder how did this happen, is this more damage attributable to my own self-destructive ways? I am now leery of riding the bus in the early morning.

Need to go fix brunch.

No word from counselor or PO. No laptop till next month.

sch